29 July 2017 Seattle, Washington

Yes, I realize that this is several days after the fact, but I require myself to catch up. Mainly I will tell you that I woke up Saturday morning (this day, the 29th) and basically felt awful. It turns out I didn't earn *that* many beers. And I definitely regretted that insane burger (although it was oddly delicious) and basically everything else I ate that night. But I got my buns out of bed pretty early anyways. See, we had a party to attend. A friend's birthday party. Which would likely involve lots of eating and drinking, but I'll get to that later. I prepped rolls (bread) for the party on Friday night (I know, I'm amazed that I was able to do that. I wonder if they'll be edible?), so I had to portion them out and proof them and bake them before the party. Managed to do all that and have breakfast and shower and everything else and take a walk… all before the party. Pretty incredible, given how horrible I felt.

zero to one hundred

This is how I feel sometimes. I'm either "on" or "off" when it comes to food and drink. There doesn't seem to be much of an "in between". Just "zero" or "one hundred". I'm either really good, counting every calorie, being careful, not having this or that. Or I'm literally eating everything in sight. I wish I could learn this "moderation" thing that people keep talking about. I mean, I feel like I'm doing things in moderation when I'm carefully tracking my food. Because it is really fucking easy for me to fall off the wagon. Sometimes it's easier than others to get back on the imaginary wagon. Anyway, Friday night I totally fell off. Not totally. I've definitely had worse nights. Way worse. WAY WORSE. So I guess in the big scheme of things, maybe this wasn't the worst? Yeah, not the worst. I'm really not trying to rationalize it though… in case it seems like I am. I'm not. It was a bad night.

So on Saturday morning, I felt so awful, I knew I wasn't going to want to drink. That was good. That's basically calories I just saved myself. And then I'd just have to manage the food thing. At parties it is hard because of snacky things. I wish I could just overeat at like really fancy restaurants because then it seems it would at least be delicious. I'm not sure that chips and salsa really qualifies as "delicious". I mean, it is at the time, but all corn chips are basically the same. And most salsa is meh. And and and… the point is, junk food is good at the moment, but not so much later on. Anyways, I held it together at the party. Just had a few snacks and a burger.

Oh and the party was fun. We met some new people who had just gotten back from a trip to Iceland and the Scandinavian countries. Sounded amazing! Also the rolls turned out really good and people seemed to like them.

After the party, we walked across the street to our other friends and visited for a while and then went to dinner. We went to one of those pub grub places that actually has printed their nutritional information on the website, so I somehow managed to stay within my calories (thank you, hangover), but still go out to a party and to dinner at a restaurant (these are the places where things fall apart). So I guess I am learning to do fun stuff and go out to eat without eating all the things. It's hard. Very, very hard.

Food and Activity

Breakfast

Oatmeal with soft boiled eggs and cheddar cheese. A delicious peach. Coffee with milk. Calories: 447

Lunch

Hamburger on a bun with condiments. Fruit. Pita chips and hummus. Calories: 782

Dinner

BLTA and a side salad. Calories: 527

Total calories: 1756